Two Parents, One Impossible Choice

Would you give birth to a baby knowing it will die in a few days?

Credit: YouTube

Deidrea and T.K. Laux had to make this choice, and their final decision sparked controversy.

Their pregnancy started as any other. The couple were ecstatic when they discovered they were going to have their first child. They were listening to the results of their second ultrasound, 20 weeks into the pregnancy, when all of their hopes for a healthy family were shattered.

Children diagnosed with this genetic condition rarely live more than a few days, and many die just hours after they leave the womb.

The doctor told them their unborn son had trisomy 13, a rare DNA condition that is incurable and fatal. Children diagnosed with this genetic condition rarely live more than a few days, and many die just hours after they leave the womb. Most succumb to heart failure.

Knowing that the baby would never make it to see his first birthday, the doctor offered to terminate the Lauxs’ pregnancy. They refused.

They simply wanted to hold their son in their arms.

You might think that the couple was holding out for a miracle cure, or that their son would somehow beat the odds. The Lauxs say this wasn’t the case. They simply wanted to hold their son in their arms.

Online reactions to their decision range from people who commend them for wanting to show their son love in his last moments, to people who call the couple downright selfish. After all, why would you put a baby through the trauma of a genetic disease knowing he has no chance of survival?

We talk about the idea of death with dignity, and about having a good death. The cornerstone of this philosophy is that everyone should have the right to humanely end their lives to prevent the pain of a terminal illness.

A newborn cannot make this choice for himself. It’s entirely up to the parents to decide what to do.

A newborn cannot make this choice for himself. It’s entirely up to the parents to decide what to do. That’s where baby Thomas Laux’s story gets sticky. When they chose to follow through with the pregnancy, they also chose a short and difficult life for Thomas.

Credit: The Dallas Morning News

But don’t the feelings of the surviving parents matter too? The parents are the ones who have to live with the memory of their son’s death, long after he’s gone. Thomas would die no matter what choice his parents made. With their decision to bring Thomas into the world, they would at least get a few days with him to say a proper goodbye.

More than this, a woman has the right to choose what she wants to do with a pregnancy. Whether she wants to terminate a pregnancy or carry it through is entirely in her power.

While I personally would not have made the choice that Deidrea Laux made, I cannot call her selfish for making it. In his first and final days on earth, Thomas Laux was coddled and deeply loved by his parents. We hear his mother call him “beautiful.” He had pain medication to keep him comfortable, even as his internal organs began to fail him.

Neither choice in this story would be perfect. Ending the pregnancy would spare Thomas and his parents from listening to him gasp for breath as his lungs collapsed. But giving birth to Thomas also meant his parents would have time to fully prepare for his death and get closure.

When he took his last breath, his parents had nearly a week of memories they will treasure for a lifetime.

Thomas Laux died in his sleep on his father’s chest on July 4, 2008. He had lived less than a week. In that time, his parents cradled him, kept him warm and spoke softly to him as he slept. When he took his last breath, his parents had nearly a week of memories they will treasure for a lifetime.

Take a look at this family’s journey in the video below: